Very short funny jokes - Best puns; laughing tonic (21)

EGGISTU: Would you mind if I took a picture of you naked?
PEPISCO: Sure, why not – if it isn’t too cold for you here.

Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.

I saw an offer in a shop. “TV for $4.50 – the volume is stuck on maximum". It was an offer I simply couldn’t turn down.

I cannot stand insect puns; They bug the heck out of me.

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!

Imagine if you would hit the clock in the morning and the clock would hit you right back. I think it would be truly alarming.

Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.

Aim for the stars! But first take care of the bodyguards.

Have you heard about the Italian cook with an incurable disease? He pastaway.

One skeleton to the other: Man, I’m so hard in love with Bella, I can barely think straight. I’d love to ask her out but I just don’t have the guts.

A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. They will be sentenced next Friday.

If goods get damaged in transport, does it become ‘bads’?

They found a little hole in the wall of the women's soccer team changing rooms. Policemen are looking into it now.

I’ve no home, I haven’t got control, I can’t see any escape. Way past the time I got a new keyboard.

I forgot to turn off the oven yesterday, but it's OK - I just got some Darth Vader cookies. A bit on the dark side.

Losing a wife can be truly hard. Sometimes almost impossible.

Can February March? No, but April May.

When does a car stop being a car? The second it turns into a driveway.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

My girlfriend bet me I’d never be able to build a car out of spaghetti. She sure looked surprised as I drove pasta.

I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.

Have you heard about the fire in the shoe factory? Hundreds of soles were lost!

Why are there so few schools in the jungles of eastern Africa?
 .
Because there are too many cheetahs.

Why are Apple staff absolutely forbidden to fart in Apple stores?
.
Because there are no windows.

Why does your dog run into the corner each time the bell rings?
.
He’s a Boxer.

I just stepped on some Cheerios on the floor. You can call me a cereal killer now!

Three guys walk into a bar. Why? Because they’re blind.

Once you contract an infection of the bladder, urine trouble.